Wow Duckfan, tell us how you really feel. 
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“This is why you were selected to be the referee in the TaxSlayer Gator Bowl! Nobody knows or understands the purpose of this stance, sir, but you are destined to be the next Ed Hochuli, a true innovator in the field of football officiating!”
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Is this the referee equivalent of a point guard pounding the floor to get psyched up?
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It’s either that or “I am about to drop a massive load right here on live TV.” 
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“My car insurance rates just went up, and I’m about to $h1+ a brick right here on national TV”
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Nick Saban is funny!
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“Just saw a quote that said ‘you did not wake up today to be mediocre’, and I’m like ‘yes, I did, it’s a Wednesday’”
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Never saw this movie, but Woody Allen was pretty funny on a chain gang.
I think everyone liked Woody…well…until he lost his way with the adopted Korean step daughter. (That was baaad.)
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I recommend watching it. It’s pretty good
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What’s this, you have a gub?
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This was my introduction to Woody Allen:
Viewing a video of Howard Cosell, the researcher reveals they believe people who committed great offenses were punished by having to view Cosell talking.
“That’s exactly what that is”.
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You got it backwards. Should make sure you commit more scandalous acts and then run for an office – should improve your candidacy, especially in Utah.
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I just thank god every day for not having social media around when I was young. If the stuff I did had ever been documented…
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If the Titanic happen today…
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330 can probably provide more intel on these trouble-makers, but:
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Does slowjamastan’s leader listen to Atlanta Rythym Section?
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Is it because of my affinity for slow blues or jam bands ? or my distaste for Autocracy? My inside sources tell me that once Slowjamistan takes control of Yuma they will impose a 400% tariff on orange spray tan and hairspray.
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Something has been lost in our own form of government. John Locke, the Founders, all the wisdom and genius they displayed… perhaps we need to return to a simpler context.
All citizens and visitors must know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
Any person displaying that they do not know the difference between “your” and “you’re” will be banished from our territory and not allowed back in until they learn the difference and can prove it by passing a written test.
It is forbidden to “reply all” to an all-staff email unless it is absolutely necessary. And it probably is never necessary.
Punishment for violation: You will be forced to write in Comic Sans font for 30 days. All other fonts will be deleted from your computer.
The Microwave “Clear Button Law”
Slowjamastan’s “Clear Button Law” requires citizens to press the “clear” button when removing food from the microwave before the timer expires. The law serves a dual purpose: firstly, it ensures that citizens don’t leave the microwave timer running unintentionally, saving energy and preventing potential fire hazards. Secondly, it reverts the microwave display back to the current time, promoting time awareness, and encouraging punctuality. This small action has a big impact on energy efficiency and time management in Slowjamastan, fostering a more responsible and organized society.
Slowjamastan Airspace: It is forbidden to remove your shoes and/or put your feet on the bulkhead of an aircraft while over Slowjamastan airspace.
Any passenger committing such barbaric acts shall not be allowed to fly over Slowjamastan airspace for a period of no less than three years.
[I realize this Slowjamastan diversion may be suffering the same issue the Onion is, at the moment. Absurdity becomes less funny as reality crowds out that space.
FDR hosted get togethers during the worst moments of his era, with only one rule - can’t discuss the issues of the day. For me - can’t watch the news, sure-as-hell can’t watch the Jazz, Utes are suffering… I’m going with Slowjamastan]
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