I do not understand USC fan. Not even a little.

Sincerely, how in the name of Bill Marcroft is a fanbase with as much history and pride as the freaking USC Trojans acting like such a bunch of freaking ninnies?? How is this even possible?

A program with 11 national championships, 39 conference championships, every single possible advantage to just totally dominate and obliterate everything, and they’re complaining about the refs in a loss to Utah? TO UTAH?!?

Have a little pride, people. Here’s a few things to remember about Utah:

  • We were in the Mountain West conference one decade ago. And, between those halcyon days and our rich history in the WAC, we only won like three conference championships in 40 years.
  • Our NIL deals max out at free meatball sandwiches at Moochies.
  • We can only get Pepsi at concessions.
  • One time, we had a kicker who lost his helmet during a game.
  • We have a dude on our dance team. And he’s the best dancer.
  • Our fans cheer for a free haircut at Great Clips like Oprah just gave them a car.
  • There was once a five star athlete who actually glanced at a piece of recruiting mail from us. He doesn’t remember this.

For hells sakes, how many advantages do you need over a program before you just take a loss like a grownup instead of chucking controllers and yelling obscenities like me when the CPU would go beast mode on me in Tecmo Bowl?

How is it possible for USC to have this persecution complex? Like, how is it possible?? There is a narrative among these people, and I swear I’m not making this up, that the PAC-12 didn’t do enough for USC to combat their sanctions. Like, there’s visceral anger that the conference didn’t stand in solidarity for the innocence and purity of Reggie Bush or whatever, as if that would have made a single smidgeon of a hint of difference. And freaking Colorado didn’t even craft a press release in support.

Also, evidently the teams from the conference didn’t bow in ritual acquiescence to the USC delegation during conference media days, George Kliavkoff spoke to Carol Folt without first being addressed by her, and some mouth breather had the gall to look Ed Orgeron in the eye one time.

For real, as a white, straight, Mormon dude living in Davis County, Utah, I can definitely understand how USC feels. It’s a tough world out there for the underprivileged.

But, I get it. A USC-Utah football game is the ultimate battle of a program that does less with more than anybody else and a program that does more with less than anybody else. So a loss has got to be a pretty bitter pill to swallow. So bitter, in fact, that blaming the dudes in the stripes is the only possible explanation that soothes the royal ego.

So, in the spirit of dwindling conference brotherhood, I have a few helpful tips for the Trojans, from a guy who has done the hard work to cope with A LOT of losses:

  1. Maybe don’t hire a coach that’s the spitting image of Scotty McCreery. And I don’t mean grown up Scotty McCreery with a circle beard as a result of successful testosterone therapy. I mean peak American Idol Scotty McCreery who drew on his chest hair with a cosmetic pencil.

I mean, come on!

  1. Maybe, if you’re gonna make it rain like Charles Barkley at a casino to purchase the best team money can buy, maybe also throw a bone to somebody, anybody, who can recognize the number 86 and, like, tackle it.

  2. Maybe, if you’re gonna blame the outcome of a 60 minute game on a bad call in the first 15 minutes, you should also note the two times shortly thereafter where your team had a two score lead and possession of the ball, against a defense that gave up 210 yards in the first quarter. Seriously team, just score one of those and blow us out, or have a big glass of shut the hell up about the refs.

  3. Maybe, just maybe, deal with the idea that the reason this one feels so bad is because everything Oklahoma fans said about Coach McCreery seemed to be absolutely true.

The thing is, we could say something like “Good luck in the Big 10, and you’ll get much better at accepting defeat there because it’ll happen a lot,” but that’s not accurate at all. USC is gonna win a lot in the Big 10, and they sure as hell aren’t going to face the environment and competition they saw on Saturday very often. I mean, the University of Minnesota conference schedule this year is Michigan State, Purdue, Illinois, Penn State, Rutgers, Nebraska, Northwestern, Iowa, Wisconsin. Hooooooboy! At least the Trojans are getting paid now!

But really, Utah will miss sucking from the Trojan teat. We really will. Their investment in our program is appreciated, and we literally couldn’t have done it without the potent combination of the power of the Trojan brand and the decade-long wasteful ineptitude of the Trojan program.

And I’m desperately going to miss watching the three star Utah tryhards beat the hell out of the five star USC frontrunners.

Brilliant! You’ve been missed here


Let us know when your book comes out!


Grade of A- instead of an A, cuz you didn’t mention angora sweaters on the Song Girls….


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Bravo! Chef’s kiss!

LOL classic, possibly your best work

I’m proud to say that I don’t get the Scott McCreery reference at all (I think).

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Two bad roughing the passer calls late in the 4th quarter went our way and helped us beat Oregon State a few weeks ago. It’s all just part of the game and a hallmark of PAC officiating since forever. They are equally ill equipped for all.

And I know it’s cute to be snarky after a big win against the team you beat, but you actually don’t give credit where it’s due. Utah’s rise has nothing to do with USC and everything to do with Kyle Wittingham.



When it comes to roughing calls (one could bring up calls such as the one Reid had against UCLA on 3rd down a few weeks ago, calls against USC last week, the ones OCGreg mentioned which helped USC in Corvalis, and I remember a would be pick-six by Weddle called back due to a roughing call at North Carolina back in the day) But bottom line is know the situation and in particular on a third down, if the QB has released the ball, avoid hitting him late if at all possible.


Another twaddle espoused by many SC fans is refs gifted the Utes at least one TD (roughing), which is worth more than the badly missed SC holding non-call in the end zone that would have given the Utes 2 points. Well, the Utes TD was not a direct result of the roughing-the-passer call; SC still had chances to stop the Utes; whereas, the SC holding-non-call would have directly resulted in 2 points for the Utes, plus another possession.


PAC-12 Official Referee training materials:

P.S. Thanks to @BamaFanNKY & @RowdyReptile for introducing SEC Shorts to me here.



Thank you for posting. I have never enjoyed spouting a mouth full of Diet Coke out on top of my desk as much as I just did.

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By the way, I picked up this factoid the other day. I hadn’t realized this, but since the Pac 12, we are 5-7 against USC.

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I now know what to call facts that I don’t like.


LOL. I should know better then to dictate posts to my phone.

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I assumed this was an ironic auto correct error and figured I’d let it go…

…LOL, until I saw @NewbombTurk’s response… I think I can accurately predict in which political thread this new term will make it’s first appearance :slight_smile:

@LAUte I promise I’m laughing with you :slight_smile:

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Of course. I have some great stories about the results of dictating to my phone.

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I don’t trust voice recognition, but I do have a great story about autocorrect in word, many years ago changing my emphatic question in the subject line of an email to my boss (the CIO), from:

Can you make this happen?


Can you make sh\it happen?

Of course half the company was copied and I only realized the error when colleagues started sending private notes congratulating me on my courage to speak so boldly.


The first three we lost so we’ve won 5 out of last 9 with one of the losses being the 2020 covid year game in an empty Rice-Eccles where they had already played and it was our first game.

Been a great series with more close finishes than any other PAC12 opponent. Going to miss playing them when they depart.