“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
“The best revenge is to live well.”
“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.”
“Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.”
-Oscar Wilde
2/22/05: Loyter on education:
“You can’t learn anything in that half hour that you can’t learn in another half hour later on.”
2/23/05: Loyter on his workload:
“Crap, my shoe’s untied. I have to deal with this kind of ■■■■ all day long.”
3/14/05: Loyter on his love for Utes basketball:
“If the Utes make it to the final four, I will mortgage the house and turn tricks on the street corner. Just remember, it is like buying a new car, it costs more to go first.”
“Remember when we used to laugh at grandpa, going down to that old fishing hole? But nobody was laughing when he came back from town with some old whore.” - Jack Handey
“Things tend to balance out. You go to the doctor, and he says you have alcoholism, so you’re all bummed out. But when you get back home, you find a bottle of vodka you hid and forgot all about, so things are suddenly looking up again! It all balances outs.” - Jack Handey
“If dogs don’t go to heaven then when I die I want to go where they go.”
–Will Rogers
“So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”
Peter Gibbons
Asked what he thought of Western civilization, Mahatma Gandhi famously replied, “I think that would be a good idea.”
When asked about about his team’s execution, Tampa Bay coach John McKay said, “I’m in favor of it.”
“Ball didn’t go in the hoop.”
-Jim Boylen
Karl Pilkington on the future: "There will be more letters in the alphabet. Because we’re running out of words, aren’t we?”
I was about to post that quote, but you beat me to it ! One of my favorites. , its actually in the Churchill Museum in London.
“To me, clowns aren’t funny.
In fact, they’re kind of scary.
I’ve wondered where this started
and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus,
and a clown killed my dad.”
Jack Handey
“Punctuality is the thief of time.”
-Oscar Wilde
“I never forget a face. But in your case, I’ll make an exception”
Groucho Marx
“A mind is like a parachute, it only works when it’s open”
Frank Zappa
" A crowded elevator always smells different to a midget"
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches to your body”
George Carlin
“l know I’m taking a chance. But you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.”
-Frank Drebin