Reminder to call, visit, hug, those that you love today

Miscellaneous
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I have not been on the board much for the last 10 days or so, as I have been very busy helping my wife and sisters make arrangements for the service and burial of their mother.

Unlike jokes and common sentiment, my mother-in-law was one of the most kind, interesting, caring people I’ve ever met and not having her with us anymore will forever change my world.

During the last 3 or 4 years, she has been in a memory care unit at a wonderful local facility, and I’ve tried to make sure I was spending time with her. However, my own mother is in another memory care unit at a facility a bit further away, and I’m afraid, the last 6 months or so, as my mother has required a lot more assistance, visits, calls, care and time, I’ve subconsciously used that as an excuse not to spend much time with my mother-in-law.

During the month of December, I made it a priority for find time to visit my mother-in-law, going often, usually by myself, and reconnected with her, as it turns out, just in time. She passed away earlier this month.

My post is to say to everyone here, life is busy, and it’s never easy to find the time for everything that is important. It is also easy to react to the priorities of others, and society in general, at the expense of the important people around you, who may need, but rarely ask for the your time and attention.

Turn that priority table upside down, and take the time to do the little things for those that you love while you can.

Edit to include MIL Obituary: Susan Halton Valentine - Starks Funeral Parlor

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Excellent post and excellent advice. Your experience is eerily identical to my 2023: I lost my mother due to dementia in an assisted living unit and my mother in law who finally passed away after an excruciating 5 years in a memory care unit (a tough Italian lady). Watching both of these influences in your life unwind their existence is very difficult. Your advice to take action to visit, hug and call those people that are important in your life is very very important. Thank you for sharing this story.

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I’m so sorry for your loss @salUTE. She sounds like a wonderful human.

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Yeah this one strikes a chord with me. My maternal grandmother died of Alzheimer’s. My wife’s paternal grandmother died of dementia. My wife’s aunt is in long term care for memory loss. I was happy to visit her over the time I was in Salt Lake.

We feel for your loss. Mrs CCU and I have been through it with loved ones. Dementia and its cousins are mean ol’bastards.

We’ll pray for you and your family. Your advice to call, visit, and spend time with loved ones is great a reminder.

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We were on the other end of the spectrum.

Mom was perfectly healthy (or so we thought) when she went in to see the doctor about some itching in 2022. They found a tumor on her bile duct and she was gone 16 days later. She was 74.

I’m not sure which is harder: a long mental and physical decline or something sudden and unexpected. Both are reminders of why it’s so damn important to treasure every single minute with those we love and take nothing for granted.

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My father died unexpectedly from a massive stroke at the age of 74. I had dinner with him one evening, went to the hospital at 4:00 AM, the next morning, and he was gone by 7:00 PM that evening. You are correct, neither situation is easy.

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sorry for your loss!

Losing someone close is always such a paradigm shift in your own life. Dont forget to the time and care that you need to deal with it.

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Having family members pass away is hard. My parents died four years apart to lung cancer and only took a little over a month to die after the diagnosis.

It will be 10 years in June since my dad passed away, and 6 years since mom passed.

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I’m right there with you, my friend. My mother moved into assisted living in April 2020. If you could have a worse time for that transition I can’t think of one. Instant room lockdown, everyone in masks, no outside visitors. The result for someone in early stages of dementia was horrible confusion. It was awful.

Now we’re looking at the possibility of living her to memory care closer yo SLC. That would be better for me than being an hour + away, but I’m terrified about the trauma of a move. It’s rough.

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