I have a company lunch tomorrow and I need your best byu jokes. TIA

Hit me. The zoobs are bringing Ute jokes.

The one about going to a bowl game in Vegas with the Ten Commandments in one hand and a $50 bill in the other, and they don’t break either one while they’re there.

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$10 bill actually :wink:

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Jake Heaps

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Exactly; only sing it to the tune of " Yakety Sax"…

Either that or, remind them that last year their star quarterback was a Utah reject who never beat Utah, that their head coach is a former defensive coordinator at the U, who has never beat Utah, their offensive coordinator was fired by Utah and has never returned the favor, their defensive coordinator is a former lower lever Utah defensive assistant, who has never stopped Utah, etc, etc, etc, and this will be ten wins in a row for Utah, for the first time in the 120+ year series!

The above is clearly not in joke presentation, but the facts should remind them that THEY are the JOKE!

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Here’s one I saw on Facebook:

Just overheard an interesting conversation between a Utah and BYU fan.

BYU: Who do you think is going to win the rivalry game this year?

Utah: (surprised): I don’t know, I missed Colorado’s first game, and it’s a long while until November. A lot can happen.

BYU: (flustered) Not versus the Buffaloes, against the Cougars! Who do you have?

Utah: (Bewildered): I didn’t know Washington State was our big rival, but based on WSU’s first game, I would have to go Utes.

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In this day and age of football, why does BYU still use a natural surface field?

If they got rid of it, their cheerleaders wouldn’t have anyplace to graze.

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What happens when you swerve to miss a byu co-ed?

You run out of gas.

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And my all time favorite:

What’s the difference between a byu co-ed and Bigfoot?

One weighs 400 lbs and smells like hell and the other has big feet.

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Have you heard the news? Kalani Sitake is only going to dress 22 players for the game
against Utah. The rest of the players have to dress themselves.

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Every time the guy who used to sit next to us would return from the bathroom, he would loudly say, " I just took a big BYU and then wiped my Provo."

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Post that on Cougarboard.

One more…

A stockbroker, on his way home from work in Salt Lake, came to a dead
halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this seems much worse than
usual.” He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped
cars. The officer says, “Kalani Sitake is depressed, so he stopped the
team bus and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself
on fire. He is tired of losing to Utah every year and the
university has cut back on his recruiting budget. We’re taking up a
collection for him.”

The stockbroker asks, “How much have you got so
far?” The officer replies, “About 75 gallons, but a lot of folks are
still siphoning.”

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Why is cereal banned by BYU’s honor code? Because every time they get near a bowl they choke!

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BYU…a school that starts their season with a white light of hope to win it all. After hey lose to Utah, they turn Blue. They end their season by choking in a bowl.

This has been the wash, rinse, repeat for over a decade. Here is to kickin off another ten years of Zoob futility.

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Why are BYU co-eds banned from wearing gray swimming suits at the pool?

Too many harpoonings

What do you call a 365 lb BYU co-ed?

Anorexic

Stolen from another board a few years ago.

Why do YBU coeds wear high heels? To keep their knuckles from scraping on the ground
Why are YBU coeds jealous of the dumpster? Because at least it gets taken out once a week

A cannibal is shopping for some brains for dinner. The Harvard grad’s brains are listed at $20 per pound. The Oxford grad’s brains are listed at $30 per pound. The BYU grad’s are listed at $1,000,000 per pound. The cannibal asks why BYU grad’s brains are so expensive. The man behind the counter responds, “Do you have any idea how many BYU grads you need to go through to get a pound of brains?”

What did the byu coed do when she found out they were serving alcohol at the party? She put her clothes back on and left in a huff.

Whats the difference between a bus boy and a waiter in a provo restaurant? A bachelor and a masters degree.

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Why are YBU coeds jealous of the dumpster? Because at least it gets taken out once a week.

A cannibal is shopping for some brains for dinner. The Harvard grad’s brains are listed at $20 per pound. The Oxford grad’s brains are listed at $30 per pound. The BYU grad’s are listed at $1,000,000 per pound. The cannibal asks why BYU grad’s brains are so expensive. The man behind the counter responds, “Do you have any idea how many BYU grads you need to go through to get a pound of brains?”

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using byu coeds instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the LDS Church was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

  1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a byu coed.
  2. BYU coeds breed faster and are in much greater supply.
  3. The humanitarian societies won’t jump all over you no matter what you’re studying.
  4. There are some things even a rat won’t do.

What do you call an intelligent person in Lavell Edwards Stadium? A visitor.

If you put BYU coeds on the N S E and W corners of the roof of the Marriot center which will fall first?

The Marriot Center.

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A man from Provo dies and goes to heaven to be welcomed by St Peter.
“Welcome to heaven. Who’s your football team,” says St Peter?
“I’m not much of a sports fan, I don’t have a team,” says the man.
“You must have a team to get into heaven.”

The man thinks for a minute and says, “Well, I lived all my life in Provo, so I guess I’ll go with BYU.”
Peter looks confused and says, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’ve bee around them my whole life.”
“Let me show you around first, then decide.”

So Peter and the man begin to walk through heaven, they come upon a group of people having a great big party. Everybody is singing and dancing and having a great time.

“Would you like to join them?” asks Peter.
“Who is that?” says the man.
“That’s USC.”
“Who else have you got?”

And another group the same thing, on and on.
“Who’s that?”
“That’s Vanderbilt… That’s Utah… That’s Alabama… That’s Ohio State…”

When they get to the end Peter says, “Well, what do you think? Who’s your team?”
“Those all look great, I’d be lucky to be part of any of them. But I’d still like to see BYU.”

Peter shrugs and leads him far away from all the people and they start to climb a big hill. As they near the top Peter signals to be quite and to get down. So they crawl to the top of the hill and look over. Below them is a group of people just sitting quietly.

“Who is that?” asks the man.
“Shhh… That’s BYU - they think they’re the only ones here.”

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What do you call a religious BYU coed?

“Holy Cow!”