Seeing as we’re celebrating great movies it seems only right that we poke fun at some bad ones. I’ll kick it off with a flick that was just released a couple of days ago, and is easily one of the worst major motion pictures I’ve seen in years.
David Ayer usually pumps out quality films (Training Day, End of Watch), and even his not so great ones are at least entertaining. Harsh Times, for example, is fun, but not a great movie by any stretch. My favorite review of the film said “it should have been called Two ■■■■■■■■ Riding Around in a Car”. If you’ve seen it, you no doubt understand the hilarity of that critique.
The Tax Collector is in the same vein of other Ayer hits, delving deep into the grit of LA gang subculture. He has found his niche, and typically does it justice, so I figured that at the very least it would be a good way to waste an evening. The plot had potential, but the story was ridiculous, and the acting was sub-par (outside of Shia Labeouf). Mix in a soundtrack that never takes a break (the hallmark of a crappy film) with this cliche-fest, and you get a steaming pile of ■■■■ that somehow manages to make 2020 just a little bit worse.
I took my teenage son to see the last Terminator movie. (At least I thought it was the last one; I hope so.) I wanted my money back as I walked out about 2/3 of the way through. It was insultingly awful.
Eden Lake was also awful. Has anyone here seen that who liked it? I’d be sincerely interested in knowing. The production values were good, it was just one of the more awful stories I’ve ever seen and I could not see the point.
It’s not a film, but a genre…the biopic. It’s even more formulaic than a superhero movie. Just plug a different rockstar/movie star/politician/etc. into the same script. Twice a year. Oscar bait.
I know a lot of people liked it, but I walked out of Meet the Fockers. I also recall seeing a movie called Stuck on You that was a pile of hot garbage. Also can’t forget a Tyler Perry movie called Alex Cross that was a total piece of crap.
Does anyone else remember, or try to forget Flash Gordon? Even though it was meant to be campy, it was straight up awful even for young me. The best part of it was the music. Come to think of it it, one that I wanted to like, but really is bad (aside from music) The Highlander, and Highlander 2. The 2nd was a straight up pile of steaming crap, the first could have been really good, but it wasn’t.
My brother and I have a debate: is it possible to make a good x-men movie? I say no, but he thinks it should be possible with the right approach. But we both agree that it hasn’t happened yet.
Biopics that are written by the subject of the film (is autobiopic a word) always crack me up. “Straight out of Compton” made Dr Dre look like some sort of fearless badass with a heart of gold. He fictionalized so many things that are widely known to be ■■■■■■■■ to create a better version of himself that I couldn’t take the rest of the movie seriously. He added stuff that clearly never happened, yet left out the time when he was shot by a kid that he was trying to punk, and the other time when he beat the piss out of a female hip-hop reporter while his security guard held the crowd back with a gun. Pile of rubbish that movie.
It felt like a regular superhero movie to me. It did have the advantage of featuring the only x-man who has proven to be interesting on screen. Still, I’ll judge superher movies based on how fun they are, how re-watchable, and how memorable the action scenes are. Wolverine doesn’t really pass any of those tests.
Suicide Squad was one of the absolute worst movies I’ve ever seen. So, so terrible.
I watched The Little Hours a while back. It was billed as a raunchy comedy and had Aubrey Plaza, Alison Brie, Dave Franco, Fred Armisen, Nick Offerman, and John C. Reilly…all of whom I like. It was maybe the least funny “comedy” I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even chuckle once.
I’m not sure what would make you think Days of Future Past was good. I guess the running fast to Jim Croce scene was fun. Nothing else really sticks out as far as action or comedy. Also, they went back to the Xavier/Magneto thing for the 18th time. They are determined to push that until someone thinks it’s compelling.
Back in HS I saw a Marty Robbins film called “Guns of a Stranger” on a double bill with “American Graffiti.” A western so boring and forgettable it’s actually hard nowadays to find references to it.
“Ghost World.” Supposedly a great film about two angst-riddled teenage girls, but it was so bad that even Scarlet Johansson and Steve Buscemi couldn’t make it decent.
“Fifty Shades of Grey,” and I assume any other of the films in that franchise. How in the hell can one make a movie about kinky sex that is that uninteresting and stupid?