I got cut off by a massive idiot today, which reminds me of a good story from my days at the U

I was driving home from school along 1300 east and about 33rd south at about 5 or 6 at night. Some idiot came flying out of a parking lot almost hitting me and causing me to slam on my brakes to avoid a massive accident.

The road was pretty congested at this time so I followed behind him for a couple of minutes just seething and thinking of what I would say to him if I had the chance. Out of nowhere a car going the other direction on 1300 east drifts across the road and absolutely nails the guy who had cut me off.

Apparently the other driver had diabetes and had passed out from low blood sugar or whatever, drifted across the road and caused the accident. Had that guy not cut me off there was basically a 100% chance that he would have hit me instead as I surely would have been in his spot on the road.

Moral of the story, don’t get mad at people who cut you off, they just might take that inevitable accident away from you.

My other driving related story of interest while a student at the U involved the old golf course. I was driving down the road that went between the fairways there on the way to the secret hiding spot behind the Union when a golf ball bounced off the hood of my beat up old Honda Civic. I stopped and looked around to see who had shanked the ball off my hood only to see two old guys, probably in their 80s, pick up their bags and start running.

I got out of my car and yelled, “You better run you punks!” They didn’t know my old car was already pretty well dented. Still cracks me up that old dudes ran from a poor college student.


Two stories from the late 90s:

One of my friends teed off on the ninth hole and hit it very poorly indeed. On the fly, the ball bounced off the windshield of a newer Audi, somehow not shattering completely, and the car drove on as if nothing happened. We stood there, too shocked to even try to run off like a bunch of (not 80 year old) punks.

Another time, while playing at Mick Riley, we (same idiot foursome as above) were taunted by a bunch of 10-12 year old punks from the other side of a chainlink fence. They showed no mercy as each of us hacks drove various garbage shots down the fairway. Ironically, this was also on the 9th hole, and as we loaded our clubs into the trunk of my roommates '78 Caprice, we decided to see if we could find the punks and give them a good scare. Roommate wheeled into the neighborhood in question and saw them pretty quickly - they were still gathered near the fence, probably mocking another, probably more serious group of golfers. One of them heard the wheeze of the old Chevy, turned around and his eyes grew as big as dinner plates when he realized who it was. Roommate pulled a movie stunt-worthy skid stop in the middle of the cul-de-sac and those little punks scattered like cockroaches screaming, leaving bikes behind and probably ■■■■■■■■ themselves. We never got out of the car, mostly because I couldn’t possibly stand up while laughing so hard.